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Three thesauri to stimulate the author's creativity (not to copy in the "canned" form) : http://www.amazon.com/Becca-Puglisi/e/B00825H5DA/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_22. VISUAL
Construct the story like a movie with long shots, medium shots and closeups. To plan pacing, temporarily color the text:
Long shot = location, general description. Medium shot = action, character description. Closeup = dialogue, thoughts, emotions, body language.
3. POV : AUTHOR INTRUSION
Opinions not spoken by the character make the reader conscious of the author.
Compare: The gears made a terrible grinding noise vs. The gears made a grinding noise. The latter allows readers to draw on their own memories of grinding noises, giving them a more personal connection to the story.
Compare: Long hair balanced his premature bald spot vs. Long hair framed his premature bald spot. "Balanced" is judgmental, while "framed" is a fact also available to the character.
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